This post was originally published on Defender Network

By Laura Onyeneho

Mothers play a serious role in the family. They can be the caregivers, breadwinners,  nurturers, and teachers in the classroom of life.

Being a mother isn’t always connected to bearing children. Motherhood can be for women who adopt or who become a partner to someone who already has children.

That was the case for Dr. Cindy Trimm, CEO, and founder of Trimm International, who married for the first time in 2018 at age 60, and now enjoys the experiences of motherhood with her four bonus children from her husband’s previous marriage.

Trimm is an Atlanta-based spiritual leader, life coach, and best-selling author who considers herself an “unconventional mom.” She envisioned starting a family sooner, but life had other plans. She created a vision plan for her life, traveled the world, studied at Oxford and Harvard, wrote numerous books, became financially independent, and still wanted her love life to match the life she had built for herself and it worked.

As blended families become more common, Trimm spoke to the Defender in honor of the women who don’t have children of their own but are stepping up as mother figures in their communities and household.

Defender: You are a successful life strategist, humanitarian, and author. Apart from your achievements, who is Dr. Cindy Trimm?

Trimm: I consider myself to be a mentor and a coach to dreamers and innovators. I help people realize there are no limitations, that they are God’s highest expression of his genius. I consider myself the catalyst of greatness and a supporter of dreams.  

Defender: When women are at the height of their careers, often the expectation is to settle down. How was dating life until you married your husband?

Trimm: My dating life was fantastic. You attract who you are and not what you want. I did a lot of self-mastery. We live in a society that teaches us how to loathe ourselves. I learned that I was enough as a human being. I crafted my own destiny and I was gifted, talented and a good catch. I refused to compromise and I feel a lot of women do that because of societal pressure to marry at a certain age.

First, I started working on myself. I had wonderful relationships but they weren’t what I was looking for. I needed to be completely affirmed as a genius and a brilliant contributor to humanity’s goodness. Affirm means to acknowledge, honor and respect. I decided not to dumb down to fit someone else’s paradigm. The right people started coming. When my husband met me, I was already successful financially and independently. I was already debt-free so we were able to cultivate based on my strength and not my weakness based on my gift and not my need.

Defender: Your husband came with the children. Did you have a serious talk about wanting your own at the time?

Trimm: Immediately! I’m mature. When I started dating my husband, I was his second wife. His first wife passed away. I came with a package deal which was the children and grandchildren. I received the gift of motherhood. A lot of times people equate motherhood to birthing, and to me, it means that it helps to cultivate someone else’s dreams and aspirations.

Defender: Talk about when you found out you were going to be a mother.

Trimm: My husband obviously had children. I do a lot of research on the person I’m dating. The first thing I needed to know was how he treated girls and how did he raise them. I interviewed the girls to understand how it was growing up with their dad. It was great. We have the best relationship. I have one boy and three girls. I see myself as an empowerment specialist in their life. I couldn’t have birthed more ideal and perfect children. God graciously gave me a gift.                         

Defender: There are common myths about having children later in life? What were some things you heard? Did you feel societal pressure?

Trimm: I was aware of people’s expectations but I wasn’t pressured by them. I don’t have that kind of mental wiring. I have my own expectations that keep me busy. The biggest question is, “What do you desire for yourself?” I’ve always wanted to be a mother, but my path was different. I was able to create a business that hired people, thus impacting the economy. I wrote books to empower others. I was able to develop into a better version of myself and what I brought to the table to my husband. A fully developed woman, batteries included.

Defender: What does motherhood mean to you?

Trimm: It’s the opportunity that’s given to you to contribute to society. You get to mold and shape the core values of this amazing human being and hope they apply them. It means having the opportunity to explore yourself. Motherhood is a selfless job. You have a lot of sleepless nights but it’s rewarding.                                                                            

Defender: What advice do you have for women looking to marry but have not had the best of luck?

Trimm:

  • Don’t give up and never settle.
  • Nurture yourself and go after your dreams.
  • Bring your own happiness into the marriage.
  • Don’t try to mother a grown man. Look for a grown man who has the capacity for the next level. A man that dreams of his own and brings that to the table and includes you.
  • Seek a man who is financially secure on his own. Do not bankroll his reality.
  • Stop compromising your standards. If a man doesn’t have to pay for the cookies while you are dating, why would you think he’ll marry you?