By Laura Onyeneho
January has been depressingly dubbed “Divorce Month” in recent decades. In fact, divorce filings increased by 25–30% during the first month of the year, according to several family law companies in the United States.
Diverse theories abound on the origin of Divorce Month. According to a popular idea, the holiday season, which precedes January, is primarily to blame for the spike in divorce filings. January comes just after the hectic Christmas season, which is stressful for many families and couples, so the timing is definitely not coincidental. The alchemy is enhanced by New Year’s resolutions, encouraging people to press the reset button.
I started teaching women how to build their businesses and what mistakes to avoid during divorce. Divorce was really meant to take me out. I was depressed and suicidal, but now I get to show women that divorce is not the end. There is something better after that.
dr. sonja stribling
Divorce is a difficult and emotionally taxing process for everyone, but Black women frequently encounter particular financial challenges that call for thoughtful analysis and calculated preparation.
There is a consistent trend regarding marriage and divorce rates among women across the U.S. For example, Black women usually display the lowest marriage probability and the highest divorce rates. Black women divorce at a higher rate (38.9%) than women of any other race.
One individual who has overcome the divorce trials is Dr. Sonja Stribling, PhD, a highly decorated combat veteran and business mogul. Stribling’s survived a divorce that left her “financially and emotionally bankrupt.” Stribling was married for 18 years. She met her husband in the military and married within 45 days of meeting each other. She had a six-figure income, owned two homes, had three children, and was going to school for financial planning during her divorce. She filed for bankruptcy and had no child support during the process.
“I felt like a loser because my finances were in a hot mess. I got a part-time job working for mortgage companies taking pictures to pay for attorney fees,” she said. “Then I had to build my credit. It took some time, but I got a good enough score to buy a car.”
Getting counseling to deal with the grief was a strategy that helped her along the three-year battle. She decided to help other women by becoming a certified life and divorce coach.
“I started teaching women how to build their businesses and what mistakes to avoid during divorce,” Stribling said. “Divorce was really meant to take me out. I was depressed and suicidal, but now I get to show women that divorce is not the end. There is something better after that.”
Stribling eventually remarried and applied the lessons she learned in her first marriage to sustain a healthy, trauma-free relationship. She encourages young women going into marriage not to avoid divorce but instead to understand that this is an unfortunate experience that could happen to anyone when they least expect it. They should be prepared to ask the right questions.
“Is this person supportive? Are they controlling? Are they going to let you have your own thoughts? Ask about his family origin. What relationships did they see?” she said. “Ladies, be whole before you get with someone else.”
How to navigate divorce:
Regina McCann is a certified divorce financial analyst who helps professional women protect their wealth and take control of their financial futures. She was a product of a divorce at a very young age, and she witnessed her mother raising five children while going through the process with no professional, spousal, or child support.
“She was able to stay in the house. We lived in a poor area. I watched my mother bootstrap to give us a decent quality of life,” McCann said. “This is why I do the work I do. No one should go through that.”
McCann offered practical advice for women to consider when thinking about divorce:
- Have your documentation in a row before communicating to your spouse about filing.
- Get your basic health care checkups done. You might not have the same quality of care on the other side of divorce.
- Get a credit card and a bank account in your name. Create a strategic spending habit to build good credit.
- Review your resume and look for a better-paying job if your spouse is the breadwinner.
- If you can, consider a prenuptial or postnuptial agreement.