Things You Wish You Knew about Menopause

By Simone Kelly

Ladies, at some point in your youth, you might have heard the ‘grown folks’ refer to it as The Change, The Big M, or The Pause. Unfortunately, many of us don’t know what to expect, because menopause wasn’t discussed enough at home. It’s a hush, hush topic, and I still don’t know why there is so much shame around it. I don’t recall my mother ever bringing it up in conversation. Unfortunately, our elders didn’t share their experiences, leaving many of us completely unprepared when we reach the age of perimenopause.

One of my girlfriends, in her late 40s, asked her mother. “How was menopause for you? What were your symptoms?” Her mother replied, “I can’t talk about that with you. That’s private!”  

You can’t make this stuff up! 

As a Dallas-based OBGYN specializing in menopause, Dr. Jessica Shepherd shared, “I think that, for women, a lot of the issues that they may deal with or have questions about can be quite taboo in society…”Some of them come with shame or guilt, ” says Dr. Shepherd. 

“Many women are reassured, or they feel a weight lifted off when they realize they’re not the only ones going through that issue,” says Dr. Shepherd.

Not Educated about Menopause

• In fact, it is not just a U.S. problem. A survey conducted by researchers at the University College London revealed that 94.1% of women were never taught about menopause in school, and 49.0% do not feel informed about it at all. 
• Even though 51% of the population will experience menopause, medical schools often overlook this crucial aspect of women’s health. A 2021 report found that, in the UK, only 59% of medical schools included mandatory menopause education in their curriculum.

Racial & Ethnic Disparities

• The University of Michigan School of Public Health wrote a fantastic, easily digestible article about the 25-year SWAN review of disparities in reproductive aging. Did you know that Black women reach menopause nearly nine months earlier than white women? And have worse symptoms? Well, now you know. The 2022 review also noted that Black and Hispanic women are less likely to receive menopause counseling than white women.
• Another, separate 2022 study of midlife women veterans of the US Armed forces revealed that a similar racial and ethnic disparity impacted the menopause care Black women received from the Veterans Administration.

Thank goodness for the internet! Today, entire podcasts and online communities are dedicated to discussing menopause, allowing women to share their experiences and remedies, reminding each other that they’re not alone.

Menopause and perimenopause bring a range of symptoms due to hormonal changes, yet for many, the conversation has been limited to hot flashes and night sweats. However, after speaking with several women in their late 60s, I was surprised to learn that some never experienced menopausal symptoms at all. I attribute much of their “good luck” to their healthy lifestyles—many looked decades younger, thanks to regular exercise and predominantly plant-based diets.

Meanwhile, others I interviewed had been silently suffering from severe symptoms for five to even ten years. The contrast was eye-opening.

Everyone’s experience with perimenopause and menopause is different—you may encounter some symptoms, all of them, or none at all. And thank goodness for that!

Perimenopause: The Transition Phase

Perimenopause typically begins several years before menopause, usually in a woman’s 40s (though it can start earlier). This phase is characterized by fluctuating hormone levels, primarily estrogen and progesterone, leading to unpredictable symptoms.

One common myth is that women who started their periods early will also enter menopause early. However, that’s not necessarily true!

1. Irregular periods – Longer, shorter, heavier, or lighter cycles
2. Hot flashes and night sweats – Sudden heat sensations, sweating at night. Many women recommend sleeping with a fan. 
3. Mood swings – Increased anxiety, irritability, or depression
4. Sleep disturbances – Insomnia or frequent waking up at night
5. Breast tenderness – Sensitivity similar to PMS
6. Decreased libido – Lower interest in sex due to hormonal shifts
7. Vaginal dryness – Thinning vaginal walls leading to discomfort during intercourse. 
8. Weight gain or bloating – Especially around the abdomen. It can be harder to lose weight. Many have to work much harder during this time. 
9. Brain fog and memory issues – Forgetfulness or trouble concentrating
10. Increased PMS symptoms – More intense than before

Menopause Symptoms (When Periods Officially Stop)

Menopause is officially diagnosed when you haven’t had a menstrual period for 12 consecutive months. At this stage, estrogen levels are permanently low.

1. No periods for 12 months – The defining sign of menopause
2. Hot flashes and night sweats persist – Sudden feelings of heat, often accompanied by sweating and a red, flushed face.  
3. More pronounced vaginal dryness – Can lead to discomfort and painful sex
4. Thinner, drier skin – Increased wrinkles and loss of elasticity
5. Weight Gain: Especially around the abdomen, even with no changes in diet or exercise. Slower metabolism
6. Bone loss and osteoporosis risk – Declining estrogen weakens bones
7. Higher cholesterol levels – Increased risk of heart disease
8. More frequent urinary tract infections (UTIs) – Due to vaginal and bladder changes
9. Thinning Hair: Hair loss or thinning on the scalp and other parts of the body.
10. Mood changes or depression – Ongoing due to hormonal shifts
11. Dry and Brittle nails

How to Know You’re in Full-Blown Menopause

• The 12-month rule – If you haven’t had a period for 12 consecutive months, you are officially in menopause.
• FSH Blood Test – A doctor can check follicle-stimulating hormone (FSH) levels; high FSH often confirms menopause.
• Persistent symptoms – While perimenopause symptoms fluctuate, menopausal symptoms are more consistent and linked to permanently low estrogen.

Unfortunately, many women suffer unnecessarily due to a lack of education. Heart disease, osteoporosis, and mental health risks increase post-menopause, yet few receive proper warnings. But before you spiral down a WebMD rabbit hole, remember that symptoms vary greatly from person to person—some experience only mild effects. If symptoms become particularly bothersome, consulting a healthcare provider can provide guidance on management and treatment.

That said, there are numerous natural remedies available. I had an eye-opening conversation with a holistic doctor and health coach on my podcast, where we explored symptoms and natural solutions that can bring real relief. The knowledge shared was truly mind-blowing. The key to navigating this phase? Preparation and awareness. There are solutions—you just need to know where to look.

Simone Kelly is the CEO of Own Your Power Communications, LLC, an accomplished author, Intuitive Life Coach, and Reiki Master Teacher. Her company is a trusted guide for conscious living, intuitive wisdom, and personal growth. Explore her podcast, blog, and a variety of services, courses, and events. Join her community and mailing list at www.ownyourpower.biz.

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